smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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