just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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