How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
