Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
