I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
