yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
