I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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