fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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