My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
