my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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