dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
