This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
