1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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