chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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