Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
