haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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