alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
