It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
