i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
