Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
