Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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