watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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