Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
