Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
