i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
