i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
