Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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