Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
