You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You pole danced in your parka.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
