you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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