Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i need some magic done to my vagina
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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