i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
