The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
