i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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