what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
