my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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