He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Randomize
