UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
