No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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