I wish life had little blips of pornography
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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