its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
