Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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