apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
