Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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