I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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