I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
