NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Randomize
