mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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