I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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