I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
tell me about the eggs
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