it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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