She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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