the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
