Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
