omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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