I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
