I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
