I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
