It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
