I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
