By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
