Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize