If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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