My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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