I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
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im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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