i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
