Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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