there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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