can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
