I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will be naked everywhere
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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